January 24, 2010 ... Bittersweet to say the least

Many of you have heard this story before, but for those who have not today marks the 2nd anniversary of a bittersweet day in our lives.  Here is my story ...

My Grandma & Me at my Wedding 2005

Sunday, January 24, 2010 started out like any normal Sunday.  Kevin and I went to church in the morning, ate lunch and looked forward to a nice Sunday afternoon rest.  Before I laid down, I checked my email and found this one from my Mom to all of the kids in our family:

Subject:  Grandma has taken a turn for the much worse.....‏

....Grandpa called and let me know Grandma could die within the day.  Her aortic aneurism is leaking....they are giving her meds to keep her comfortable.  Dad and I are leaving for Deland now.  We will keep you posted.

Love you....keeping praying,

Mom

WOW!  I didn't even know what to think.  Growing up, I had always feared the day when my grandparents would pass away.  Sometimes I would cry just thinking about it or imagining life without them.  Other than people from church and friends from school, I had never experienced someone close to me pass away.  So, this was it... the first of my grandparents was about to meet Jesus.  

So, I prayed for peace for Grandma & Grandpa and the rest of the Larson family (she was my Mom's mom), safety in travel for my parents and cried myself to sleep. 

Later that afternoon, we got up to go to a membership class at the church we were attending since we were not yet members.  After finishing the class, we headed over to the sanctuary for church.  My cell phone rang just outside.  It was Mom.  Grandma had passed away about an hour before.  As she began telling me the scenario of what happened, I listened but tears filled my eyes and I felt like I couldn't breathe.  (Just thinking about it gets me choked up)  I remember her telling me that my sister, Cindy, was there with her youngest daughter, Leah, whom Grandma had not yet met until that day.  Cindy was holding Leah up, who was just shy of 10 months at the time, to meet her Great-Grandma and shortly after that she closed her eyes and passed away.  It is a sweet thought to remember that the last thing that Grandma saw was her Great-Granddaughter.

When the nurses had confirmed that Grandma had passed, my Grandpa suggested that they sing some hymns.  Listening to my Mom tell me this was like being there and was comforting.  We were standing outside the church, I started sobbing before I could tell Kevin what happened so we went to the van and drove home.  

Before I go on, I have to share a little something about why my Grandma was so special and important to me....

The first time Grandma & I met while they were home from the mission field.

I was born on January 5th ... just 2 days after my Grandma's birthday.  So, very appropriately, my parent's gave me her middle name, O'Neil, which I took very much pride in being named after my Grandma. 

Grandpa Larson among the Dani people

My Grandparents and their 4 children in Irian Jaya

 My grandparents spent almost 40 years of their lives as missionaries to the people of Irian Jaya, now Papua.  They came into a tribe who had never seen a white person before.  They did not have a written language or an alphabet.  My grandparents lived with this tribe and raised 4 children.  They came up with an alphabet, then a written language.  They taught them how to read. They taught them about God and about His Son, Jesus.  How Jesus came to the world, lived a sinless life, then died on the cross for the sins of all men and finally rose again!  The Gospel was taught to a tribe who had never in their lives heard it.   They believed.  They repented.  They learned more and told others.  Then this tribe was able to send out their own Missionaries to other tribes on the island and the Gospel spread.  In the early 1990s, my grandparents retired from the Mission field. Each year or so, they would go back (sometimes both and sometimes just Grandpa) to work with a team to translate the Bible into their language.  In 2003, they had completed the entire New & Old Testament... the Bible!  

I will say that, during this very hard time of loosing my Grandma, there was a comfort and joy knowing that not only was she in the presence of God in Heaven, but that (I can only imagine) she was welcomed into Heaven by the Dani people that she came to serve in Irian Jaya.  What a wonderful homecoming that must have been!

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28

I believe 100% in God's perfect timing and that he works everything for His perfect plan.  There have been so many evidences in my own life, my relationship with Kevin and so many aspects of our daily lives.  This day is just a testimony of that very fact.  I can say that i know wholeheartedly that what happened the rest of the evening was Philippians 4:7 being lived out in our lives right before our eyes.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:7

So, the story continues ....

On the way home from church as I was an emotional wreck, I asked Kevin if we could stop and pick up a pregnancy test. He could have said, 'Really?  Right now?  Again?' See, we had been trying to have a baby for over 2 years at this point.  I was a few days late and I think that Kevin felt bad with the circumstances, so he said, 'Sure, Babe, we can do that.'  So I picked up the WalMart 3-pack (ya know, cause we will probably need one in the next month or two again) and we went home.  

I know the instructions say to wait until the morning to take the test, and.... I WAS going to do that, but it had been a really rough day and I was impatient.  So, I took the test and then took a picture on my phone of the result.  I came out to show Kevin and he said, 'So, what does that mean?'  

That means...... WE'RE PREGNANT!!!!

So, as you can imagine, I was pretty excited at that point to say the least.  I remember telling Kevin, 'You know if we end up having a girl, she HAS to have the middle name O'Neil.'  He agreed.

"... the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised."  Job 1:21

So, yes, about 4 hours or so after my Grandma, Peggy O'Neil Larson, had passed away, we found out that we were pregnant with our sweet Caroline O'Neil.  My heart was filled with sorrow and gladness all at the same time.  A mixture that created 'the peace that passes all understanding.'  Sad, that I wouldn't be able to see, talk to or give my Grandma a hug in this life again.  Glad that she was not in any more pain and glad that she was in God's presence!  I do believe that God perfectly orchestrated that day so that we could make it through.  I remember telling Kevin that night as we were sitting out in the Living room that even if we find out that the test was a false positive and that I am not pregnant, I truly believe with all of my heart that He allowed me to have that test to 'emotionally' help get me through that day.  

Looking back on Sunday, January 24, it is more sweet than bitter, and each year is sweeter knowing that  we are one year closer to meeting Grandma again as she welcomes us into the presence of the Lord.

Grandpa Larson meeting his Great Granddaughter Caroline for the 1st time Thanksgiving 2010

When I look at Caroline, I not only see that she is a gift from the Lord as our child, I see that she was an instrument from the Lord as she made what (at that point in my life) seemed to be the hardest thing to endure a much lighter burden.  My prayer for Caroline is that she comes to know the Lord as her personal Savior at a young age and that she is able to continue the legacy that Grandma began.

Grandpa Larson and Caroline 12.29.11

Today, if you could take a second, please say a prayer for my Grandpa, Gordon Larson, as he remembers and reflects on the 63 years that he spent with his sweetheart, my Grandma.  

Grandma, we are thankful that you are in eternity with your Savior, but we sure do miss you!  Thank you for the legacy that you have left and we look forward to seeing you again soon!